I have completely neglected my blog and been busy juggling my career, business and being a mother and then this pandemic hit. I am usually a private person and I have not let any of my readers into my world. 2 weeks ago when we were all wondering what was going on, I subconsciously had all these worries and questions I was entertaining at the back of my head. The first question being what would happen to my children if I was to be isolated? What if I died? I have no family in Australia apart from the family I created or birthed. Furthermore, my daughter was diagnosed with asthma at the age of 3 and I have always been in denial and hoped she would outgrow it. She had an episode twice and it was always set off by the common cold. With this virus would I be left with one child? Then came the other reality of essential workers still going to work and their kids having access to school and other kids safely tucked at home with mom and dad. How were my kids feeling? All of a sudden the school had become big as it was now empty and I would ask my kids how many kids showed up and sometimes get the number 3 or 5… Ok, who was there to comfort my kids when I was working? My daughter in Prep was just starting to get into the groove of things and now she is at school all alone, with kids from different classes. It was like starting Prep all over again, first day of school, overcoming the shyness and dealing with the politics of new friends. These were reports I would hear everyday after pick up. Then came the fear of preparing the school lunch box, are my hands clean enough? How about the car doors, are the kids touching contaminated surfaces? Who is policing them everyday? How about the teachers? They want to be home too I can imagine and now us essential workers and potential frontliners are not letting them as we have to work. How about finances? Am I working because I have a job or because I need to?
Tick tock, brain explosion, it was a matter of time until I got a panic attack. Lord knows what I have been through these past years, some things that you would look me in the eye and call me brave; I would keep calm and dry those tears and keep life moving but I never had a panic attack. I have talked people out of panic attacks before, mind boggling, teeth gnashing, gut wrenching feelings of doom were hovering each day. I left work in a hurry, actually I had to excuse myself as I felt an unknown sadness I could not explain and If I didn’t run I would have made a fool out of myself or discouraged anyone holding onto hope as I always tried to shine a bright light wherever I go. Yes I made it to the basement car park and I started to hyperventilate, I couldn’t breathe. I realised that I was having a panic attack and calmed myself down by using techniques I had used on other people I have helped.
It was approximately 1130am when I left work and I headed straight to the school to pick up my kids and tuck them under my arms and assure them that they were safe and I was going to protect them and be there for them. I picked my son up first and he was at the oval playing soccer and seemed disappointed that I had come to school early. I mentioned to one of the teachers how I was worried and she reassured me that we were in this together. Next stop was the classroom to get his books and the teacher and I talked about the pandemic and she started to comfort me as I was holding back tears and again said we were in this together. Then I proceeded to my daughters class and watched her from the window and she seemed content and concentrating on her art and craft and when I picked her up she was happy to see me but confused as to why I was picking her up early. The joys of being female is we share problems and it helps our sanity. I blurted my concerns out again but this time I felt stronger than when I started and I got the same response that we were in this together. That response was comforting to me, I knew the pandemic did not just pick me and decide to punish me but we are all humans fighting together. I hold it down at the hospital and the teachers hold it down at school. We were a team, network, a family and so is every human on this planet doing their best to stay at home and not only become a statistic but add to statistics… I say to anyone going through this, it is important to still talk to someone when you are feeling down, there is no perfect explanation but to hear from your neighbor that we are in this together and most importantly we need to switch off from the media craze. Listen to relevant information, do your part to stay safe and not spread the virus or break the law; but after that you need to switch off before you go insane. During a crisis is when underlying mental health issues are activated. Take care and learn how to cope and prepare if prepartion is what is causing your anxiety. We are spending more time at home and cooking more. The homes are cleaner and decluttered and some do not need to wake up to their alarm clocks, we are prisoners in our home but are free from the routine or regimented life that we are used to. We are taking naps in the afternoon, entrepreneurs are not flying out of town to cement deals but spending time at home with their families. There isn’t any good that comes out of this pandemic but I say use your time wisely and love and hug on that immediate family because when this is all over we will be back to our hectic schedules. Health comes first!